Another corner turned

Many months later, as he stood before the expectant faces of his esteemed colleagues, Russ Huntley remembered that distant afternoon when his friend Dave convinced him that being a presenter at the seminar would be nice.

Yes…a famous quote, borrowed and modified from one of my favorite authors. And maybe it should have remained firing squad, for leading up to the presentation, that’s how I felt….a condemned man standing before the firing squad.

It all started about six months ago. I am the Director of Education for the New Hampshire Land Surveyors Association, NHLSA, and one of my charges is to coordinate and set up educational seminars. We usually try to have them coincide with a quarterly meeting of the Association, so that the members can take advantage of a travel day and obtain both some continuing education credits and hopefully, learn something new.

I had an idea, a theme to build on, from the previous Spring seminar, and so I set about to pull together the players and then step away and let it happen. Wrong. I had contacted a couple of fantastic presenters and things seemed to be going on track until the details started to emerge. One of my presenters, a prominent local author, had a program that probably wouldn’t fit with the time of year we were presenting, due to cold weather and snow. I spoke to my friend Dave, the other presenter and a very well respected and prominent surveyor. He suggested a couple of other guys to ask and some ideas of how we could set up the program, with little cost to the Association, as well. In this conversation, he quietly slipped in “..and you could do an hour or two on wetlands.”  Sure, I blurted without thinking of what that meant.

The months pressed on, and pretty soon, it was two weeks before the presentation. As the team began to touch base and coordinate, I began to sweat. I love people, I really do, I like seeing people, watching people, getting to know people, just not necessarily talking, being the focus of attention… especially presenting to a group who are there for the express purpose of listening to me. I decided that it wasn’t a big deal, I present to groups all the time for my job, and I started to pull together something. I made an outline of what I wanted to talk about, and started on a PowerPoint presentation, as that seems to be the modus operandi of the presenters at our meetings. So far so good…or so I thought. Everyone else around me…those who know me anyway…could see the change in personality…the fear building inside me. While I was actually engaged in preparing the presentation, I was fine… even excited and enthusiastic about my topic. The rest of the time, I began to feel like a condemned man.

The worries and fears began to mount. Of course, I had selected the after lunch time slot…the power point kiss-of-death. The other presenters were talking about things related to boundary surveying, research and physical evidence, while I was talking about wetlands, something none of them are licensed to practice (unless they are also Wetland Scientists). I’m dead! What if I can’t talk…or what if, God forbid, all my work comes out in about a 20 minute talk and I’m left standing listening to crickets for the next 30-45 minutes. What if the computer doesn’t work and I’m left with paper in my hand and nothing to focus on except the crowd….the firing squad.

Of course I had the support and help of friends and family. My wife, Tracy, more than anyone, understood my suffering and tried to allay my fears and calm my nerves. A few friends at work, and scattered around the world offered encouraging words and support. I focused on their words and good vibes.

The day came…the presentation loomed. I sat through Brian’s presentation, then Dennis’s, then it was lunch. I wasn’t hungry, but I managed to stuff down a few pieces of chicken to stop the shakes and the rumbling in my stomach. I left the lunch early and went back to our room to set up. I plugged in my memory chip into Brian’s laptop, only to find that it had an older version of PowerPoint and wouldn’t play mine….aaaagh. My head started to dance and the heat seemed to rise to 110 deg in the room. I took a deep breath and went and grabbed my laptop, and after fumbling with the wires and software, got everything to work….whew!!!

Brian, Dave and Ed came up, and each offered their own words of encouragement. They sat scattered around the room. Deep Breath…I didn’t even hear Ed introduce me. I then welcomed everyone back and a few friends in the front row joked around with me…we laughed about the fact that it was after lunch and it didn’t matter if my presentation was interesting…they would be sleeping anyway.

Then, something happened. A couple things anyway. A gentleman in the audience, Randy O. asked me some questions and provided some comments. a few others began asking questions and I started answering. I knew my subject. I kept presenting and pushing onward, and I noticed people writing things down. Wow!…I said something that someone wants to remember?!?  There were a few nodders in the group (it was after a lunch of heavy carbs and cheese…I would have been dead), but even they woke occasionally to participate. All of a sudden, Brian was smiling at me and pointing to his watch…and I was on the last couple of slides. A half dozen questions answered later and I was done…with my talk running 10 minutes over and a group of interested people to boot.

I went up stairs for a drink of water and to sit down, let my adrenaline burn off. A number of people went by and told me they enjoyed the presentation, and a few approached me with more questions. I was shaking, a bit numb, and yet feeling a little euphoric at the same time. I called Tracy immediately to tell her I was done and alive.  The rest of the day…and in fact the rest of the weekend went by, so slow and tranquilly. I felt a huge weight lifted and yet something else too. I conquered another fear…  I did something new and exciting, something that I’ve always admired others for doing and being able to do… I was one of the presenters… a teacher… a somebody… I turned another corner.

Many days later, as he sat in his office, contemplating another blog, Russ Huntley remembered those blurry minutes after his wetlands presentation when he promised his friend Dave that giving another presentation would be nice.

Brian Burford, Dennis McKenney, Dave Mann, and Me…all smiles…all done!