Another corner turned

Many months later, as he stood before the expectant faces of his esteemed colleagues, Russ Huntley remembered that distant afternoon when his friend Dave convinced him that being a presenter at the seminar would be nice.

Yes…a famous quote, borrowed and modified from one of my favorite authors. And maybe it should have remained firing squad, for leading up to the presentation, that’s how I felt….a condemned man standing before the firing squad.

It all started about six months ago. I am the Director of Education for the New Hampshire Land Surveyors Association, NHLSA, and one of my charges is to coordinate and set up educational seminars. We usually try to have them coincide with a quarterly meeting of the Association, so that the members can take advantage of a travel day and obtain both some continuing education credits and hopefully, learn something new.

I had an idea, a theme to build on, from the previous Spring seminar, and so I set about to pull together the players and then step away and let it happen. Wrong. I had contacted a couple of fantastic presenters and things seemed to be going on track until the details started to emerge. One of my presenters, a prominent local author, had a program that probably wouldn’t fit with the time of year we were presenting, due to cold weather and snow. I spoke to my friend Dave, the other presenter and a very well respected and prominent surveyor. He suggested a couple of other guys to ask and some ideas of how we could set up the program, with little cost to the Association, as well. In this conversation, he quietly slipped in “..and you could do an hour or two on wetlands.”  Sure, I blurted without thinking of what that meant.

The months pressed on, and pretty soon, it was two weeks before the presentation. As the team began to touch base and coordinate, I began to sweat. I love people, I really do, I like seeing people, watching people, getting to know people, just not necessarily talking, being the focus of attention… especially presenting to a group who are there for the express purpose of listening to me. I decided that it wasn’t a big deal, I present to groups all the time for my job, and I started to pull together something. I made an outline of what I wanted to talk about, and started on a PowerPoint presentation, as that seems to be the modus operandi of the presenters at our meetings. So far so good…or so I thought. Everyone else around me…those who know me anyway…could see the change in personality…the fear building inside me. While I was actually engaged in preparing the presentation, I was fine… even excited and enthusiastic about my topic. The rest of the time, I began to feel like a condemned man.

The worries and fears began to mount. Of course, I had selected the after lunch time slot…the power point kiss-of-death. The other presenters were talking about things related to boundary surveying, research and physical evidence, while I was talking about wetlands, something none of them are licensed to practice (unless they are also Wetland Scientists). I’m dead! What if I can’t talk…or what if, God forbid, all my work comes out in about a 20 minute talk and I’m left standing listening to crickets for the next 30-45 minutes. What if the computer doesn’t work and I’m left with paper in my hand and nothing to focus on except the crowd….the firing squad.

Of course I had the support and help of friends and family. My wife, Tracy, more than anyone, understood my suffering and tried to allay my fears and calm my nerves. A few friends at work, and scattered around the world offered encouraging words and support. I focused on their words and good vibes.

The day came…the presentation loomed. I sat through Brian’s presentation, then Dennis’s, then it was lunch. I wasn’t hungry, but I managed to stuff down a few pieces of chicken to stop the shakes and the rumbling in my stomach. I left the lunch early and went back to our room to set up. I plugged in my memory chip into Brian’s laptop, only to find that it had an older version of PowerPoint and wouldn’t play mine….aaaagh. My head started to dance and the heat seemed to rise to 110 deg in the room. I took a deep breath and went and grabbed my laptop, and after fumbling with the wires and software, got everything to work….whew!!!

Brian, Dave and Ed came up, and each offered their own words of encouragement. They sat scattered around the room. Deep Breath…I didn’t even hear Ed introduce me. I then welcomed everyone back and a few friends in the front row joked around with me…we laughed about the fact that it was after lunch and it didn’t matter if my presentation was interesting…they would be sleeping anyway.

Then, something happened. A couple things anyway. A gentleman in the audience, Randy O. asked me some questions and provided some comments. a few others began asking questions and I started answering. I knew my subject. I kept presenting and pushing onward, and I noticed people writing things down. Wow!…I said something that someone wants to remember?!?  There were a few nodders in the group (it was after a lunch of heavy carbs and cheese…I would have been dead), but even they woke occasionally to participate. All of a sudden, Brian was smiling at me and pointing to his watch…and I was on the last couple of slides. A half dozen questions answered later and I was done…with my talk running 10 minutes over and a group of interested people to boot.

I went up stairs for a drink of water and to sit down, let my adrenaline burn off. A number of people went by and told me they enjoyed the presentation, and a few approached me with more questions. I was shaking, a bit numb, and yet feeling a little euphoric at the same time. I called Tracy immediately to tell her I was done and alive.  The rest of the day…and in fact the rest of the weekend went by, so slow and tranquilly. I felt a huge weight lifted and yet something else too. I conquered another fear…  I did something new and exciting, something that I’ve always admired others for doing and being able to do… I was one of the presenters… a teacher… a somebody… I turned another corner.

Many days later, as he sat in his office, contemplating another blog, Russ Huntley remembered those blurry minutes after his wetlands presentation when he promised his friend Dave that giving another presentation would be nice.

Brian Burford, Dennis McKenney, Dave Mann, and Me…all smiles…all done!

2010 Garden Journey ~ The first sprouts

My garden journey has begun again this year. The first sprouts are up!

Last weekend, in a spurt of pent up energy, waiting for the growing season to commence, I did the un-thinkable here in chilly New New Hampshire…I tilled the garden and planted. For most people, and for most things that you are planting in the garden, Memorial Day, at the END of May, is the traditional garden planting date. True, the snow was gone and weather had been in the 60’s for a week or so, but we often get snowstorms and sub freezing weather all the way into mid-April. Maybe I pushed it a little.

I have always enjoyed gardening, as a hobby, as a means of artistic expression, and even as kind of a moving meditation. Part of the joy is to do everything organic, no pesticides, no chemical fertilizers, very little or minimized carbon footprint (except for maybe the roto-tiller.) So, ever since I was a kid growing up in Westmoreland, reading organic gardening magazines, making garden plans and planting my gardens, I had learned about and wanted to try something called a green manure. It’s an organic gardening concept, where you plant certain things in the fall or early spring, plants that have some beneficial properties for your garden, and then just before planting time, you till them into the soil.

Some plants draw and free up potassium and phosphorous from the soil, some add nitrogen, some have deep, penetrating roots that break up the subsoil. Some just grow very fast and add a thick leafy matter to the soils to help build up its organic content. One of the plants I chose, Mustard, has an oil that is toxic to fungi and nematodes, both of which can make a beautiful garden go to crap in short order.

So… last week I tilled the soil and planted a mix of buckwheat, field peas, spring oats, vetch and mustard. Of course, that was the end of the the two week warm spell of 60 degree weather and it turned cold and rainy. Oh well, I thought. I’ll have to buy more seeds and try again. But yesterday… all my little seeds have sprouts and are starting to grow.

If it works out well, I’ll do it again next year, as well as hit the garden with the new manure source of 25 chickens that we will be getting in May. Maybe I’ll be able to grow pumpkins the size of a VW.

 

Next time on Life as Russ ~ How I survived the NHLSA Spring Quarterly

The Human touch

I was thinking about something this morning… What!  He thinks? You ask yourself.  Yes..on occasion.

I was thinking about sitting on the couch with Tracy, Molly, Chris, Kevin, Jacqui, Dan…maybe all not on the same couch, but two small couches and one coffee table. Maybe a Monday night, a hot summer night, a few glasses of wine or beers, it’s dark outside, it’s dark in the room except for the glow of the TV, we’re sleepily watching a movie. Nobody is really talking, but everyone is relaxed, leaning on each other, legs piled on the coffee table. My Tribe. No personal space…just a big pile of friends.

Then back in time…Fiske Hall…Me, Jeremy, Jason, Brian, Mace, Donna Lee, Katie-O so many others…watchin Letterman, again, piled onto couches and chairs…eating Ramen. Late night conversations.

From there, I went back further, perhaps because I’ve reunited lately with family and friends who are now spread out across the country. I remember so many family gatherings and reunions; or just summer get-togethers; at Nana & Bup’s or at Grandma’s. I was one of the youngest cousins. I remember games of tag, wiffle ball, lots of food, hanging out on the porches and back steps. In love all with mis primas and wanting to emulate all my cool primos. Ice cream! Quicksand! Swing on the Big Elm. More wiffle ball in the back yard. My aunt’s swimming pool. Sleep-overs. Kids piled in blankets on beds, sleeping bags, couches.

I don’t have much to say, really…just reminiscing… looking at memories from a distance. We are all spread out now. A few phone calls, maybe; a visit now and then; or now, the internet, brings family and old friends back together. Little snipets of conversations and some nice pictures. Pictures speak 1000 words….it’s true. Amazing…the internet.

Now I’ve met and started some great correspondences with new people, because of the internet. Even made a couple of friends, I’d say. The internet allows us to talk to people all of the world…from close by like New York, to far away places like China, Italy and Australia. Different lives and experiences in different places. Different ways of speaking…even different languages.

The common thread here…not what you might think. It’s dinner. It’s shaking hands and hugs. Its sitting on the couch. It’s blankets….. It’s actually none of these, because whether its family, old friends, or new friends…the internet allows us to talk and visit like never before, but it leaves a big gap. One that, for me, feels like a hole that never seems to be filled. There’s no human touch.