This thing of #Me too got me thinking. I don't usually comment on anything other than food, BBQ, my adventures or my loves. I can't say why this made me feel like I should share, but it did It's kind of a long ramble, with no answer or eventual advice or opinion. I' just felt like I should share some experiences. I guess if being groped, kissed, or touched in a sexual way when you don't want that attention, or that kind of attention from that specific person doing it, that even though I'm a guy, I could also say #Me Too. 

It's happened more times than I can count over the years, on one occasion, from an older man, back

in the high school days, and once from a guy in a bar who thought I was girl back to when I had long blond hair down to my butt, but overwhelmingly for me through the years, it’s been by women. As a guy, you're supposed to be always "on" and willing and horny. You’re supposed to want ALL the attention, and somehow something is wrong with you if you don’t want that attention. Let me tell you, a drunk girl in a bar can be just as aggressive, undesirable and embarrassing with unwanted attention as any guy. She can really cause you a lot of grief if you are in a relationship or married. I haven't felt the fear of physical harm if I didn't comply, I know that's way different... that takes it to another level entirely. But there are lots of ways to intimidate and threaten outside of the physical realm that can be scarring or leave unpleasant things in your head that you'd rather forget. Untrue negative stories or rumors around the dorm, neighborhood, bar or social group about your sexuality can be long lasting and very damaging, and the threat of them just as intimidating as being hit or hurt, especially in the years when your social group's thoughts about you are important. It’s another form of bullying that you might not think of.

Way back, when I worked in a hospital, there were co-workers who felt like they could do or say

Anything in a sexual way.  More than once , I got in the elevator with a women who, as soon as the door closed, push up against me, kissed me hard and grabbed my parts.... all the while offering that I could come to her place and do stuff with her and her boyfriend or with her in the back room. Sure... it could be every guy's fantasy if the attention was from some hot girl he liked and wanted to get with... but not so much from some haggard lady 20 years older than you. I think Rom-Com movies, romance novels, the Hallmark channel, porn... they all play up to that erotic chance encounter with someone you would really, really want to be with. And yes... It could be awesome. That sexual adventure that you still think about years later. Or not. Desired or undesired is the key. I avoided elevators with housekeepers after a while. Unwanted and more than once after you said "no thanks" is what makes it icky.

When I worked at a grocery store in high school as a bag boy or shelf stocker, women would lean in, say dirty stuff to you and even grab your butt or worse. My butt was always getting grabbed or commented on. Apparently women in their 30's and 40's feel its ok to mess with a 17 year boy. He'll like it, I guess is how it goes. Everyone is getting a thrill. Admittedly, if it was an attractive older lady doing it, it would be arousing and a story to tell your buddies. I don’t remember particulars, but I do remember there were some beautiful moms and ladies going through the checkout line. Customers we couldn’t wait to see each week. I'm sure a few knew that they were very attractive, and that the look and the smile they gave you, or the asking you to help them to their car and somehow brushing up against you and letting a hand "touch" you by mistake was giving you a huge thrill. No harm no foul, right?  I'm also sure that if it was unwanted and you found the customer unattractive, and you didn't want the attention, then it was embarrassing, intimidating and not so much fun. Something you didn't want anybody to have noticed or find out about. No thrills there. You switched cashier lines when you saw that customer line up. You were horrified when then they switched lanes. I can see it might be true that it’s probably not something all unwanted perpetrators could guess beforehand... will this be wanted or unwanted. How would they know unless they tried? Everyone can be lonely and want affection and maybe they have no other social atmosphere but the grocery store. It’s not nice to judge someone just because you find them unattractive and don’t want them to touch you. How shallow to judge whether someone is allowed to touch you by how attractive or desirable YOU think THEY are. Right? You want to be a nice person and not judge, right? Maybe that’s where the groper's power lies. I’m also sure a guy doing that stuff to a girl grocery bagger would be in huge trouble, but a woman doing that to a boy, not so much.

Years ago when I lived in town in apartment with my wife, I had a lady call the office and make up some story about a car accident I was supposed to have had with her with in our company truck, so the secretary gave her my home phone and address. She called and lurked outside my apartment for about a week. I was in trouble at first at work, because they thought I had had a car accident without telling anyone, and I had to go through lengths to prove I didn't do anything wrong. My wife was very upset wondering who this woman was calling me at home, and I felt creeped out that this lady would say she could see me walking around in the apartment or knew what my lunch order was at the deli.

Surveying on the side of the highway or on the road in town, women seem to feel, even today, that they can lean out the window and say all kinds of lewd sexual stuff. I'm 51 and it’s not like I'm Chris Evans or Ryan Reynolds, so it’s surely not because they really think I'm hot, or want to get my attention and can't help themselves. They just say crude shit because people do that when they go by construction workers. Funny, right. You only thought construction workers did that to walkers and drivers by.

I could say in some ways it’s kind of flattering to receive attention from people... in the high school days, when I had no confidence and felt like no women liked me, it would make me feel like I was liked after all. Really, though, it’s the unwanted or embarrassing parts, and the continuation of the attention after you've said "sorry, no I don't feel the same way for you," or "aren't you friends with my mom" or "stop," or "I'm married" or "I have a girlfriend" or just plain "NO" that doesn't seem to have any weight at all if you’re a guy.

I guess maybe I can understand some of it.... sometimes it’s just a way to reach out and see if the other person is receptive.... there have been plenty of times where I'd been kissed or grabbed in college and I was all "Ohhh, hell yeah, here we go" If she hadn't decided to go for it, a great thing might never have happened. But also, there were quite a few times where I didn’t want the attention at all, and it sucked. No... I've never felt like I was in harm’s way or like I would be physically hurt, (except maybe from some wierdo at the YMCA when I was a little guy) but sometimes I was embarrassed to the point of never wanting to go back to a place. Or I've felt the need to duck and hide so I wouldn't get spotted.

I would say I don’t think it ever happened to me because I was hot or that attractive, that people couldn't help themselves. I was goofy and shy and I've been told as much by friends. I would say it’s just what happens to people... probably to everyone. I would say it happens to everyone, girls and boys, men and women alike. I would say it comes from the same sex and from the people of the opposite sex. I would say that there could be times when it could end up being not so bad, and maybe even the spark that starts a new relationship... at other times something that causes you distress and embarrassment for a long time. I would say that I don’t feel scarred or distressed in any way. For me, the experiences that I had were just stupid stuff that happened in my past that I either choose to forget about or don't worry about. Certainly they weren’t like some of the horrible things I’ve head friends and relatives describe having happened to them. I do feel it would be wrong to not share that this isn't just a thing that happens to women by men. Or that only happens as some severe assault. It’s a thing that happens to everyone by everyone to lessor or greater extents.